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-Untitled-

Post by raga4death on Tue Jan 04, 2011 2:24 pm

seeing my dad, big happy smile on his face after a mad
long swig at the bottle, i was just a kid laughing on his lap
what i didnt know was that image was a seed inside my mind
simple, he's my hero, wanted to be like him before i died
so when i was a teen, decided to explore the taste of wine
spat it at the curb, thought that shits absurd but still got blind
drunk as f**ck, running a muck, thinking damn im tough but shucks
deep inside i hated the taste.. tryin' to be an adult before my prime
by the age of seventeen i went from stealing drinks to drinking heaps
in a dream, guzzling down liquor as if it tasted like peaches and cream
i thought it made me more confident, dancing.. dont stop my body
but really it made me sloppy, fucking up chances i got with hotties
waking up in the morning feeling sick and throwing up
i just thought this is it.. the aches and pains of growing up
did alot of stupid things, fights.. unprotected sex
im 23 now and it seams i still havnt learned the lesson yet
it looks attractive, made to get your boys 'n' you throttled
but look past the label a fraction, its really poison in a bottle
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Re: -Untitled-

Post by The Real P on Tue Jan 04, 2011 5:38 pm

Ok floW..nice imagery and rhyme scheme is alright for me..what u need to focus here more is the rhyming sequence through out the shit u write and the more important flow through out should me more or less the same..this makes a simple piece sound good..got potential but still room for upgrading ur thoughts..

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Re: -Untitled-

Post by Meta4 on Wed Jan 05, 2011 6:57 pm

dophe post bruh..
The metas were incorporated well
Props
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Re: -Untitled-

Post by thelastniggaalive on Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:40 pm

Ahh.. i read this this had a nice massage and creativity. however you might like to work on your storylines.. stay Up ro

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Re: -Untitled-

Post by Wackness on Sat Jan 22, 2011 1:41 pm

Ill shit here ragga i liked it very much I love you

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Re: -Untitled-

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